Thursday, 7 January 2016

2016: The Year of Consciousness & Self Improvement

The end of 2015 has been an eye-opener, and certain events have brought a lot of feelings to the surface. I won't say they were feelings I was choosing to ignore, exactly, they were more like feelings I wasn't consciously aware of, or paying attention to. 
Through everything, I feel like I have woken up. I'm more aware of what I'm doing and how I feel. I think that's a really important mindset to be in; it makes you harder to manipulate or be taken advantage of, it makes you aware of your actions and the outcome that your decisions will have on everything and everyone. It makes you understand your mind and body, it helps you decipher when you're wrong, or when you're being attacked, it gives you a sense of peace when it comes to things that you simply can't control or do anything about.  And from all of that, the end of 2015 has brought me to a place where I’ve finally realised that it is okay to be fragile. 
There’s so much emphasis on acting like a brick wall these days, and if you can honestly say you don’t care then that’s awesome, but it’s almost become ‘cool’ to say you don’t give a fuck. Well, I do. I give way too many fucks; I don’t deal well with conflict, or sadness, or malice. I dwell on things, I worry and I strive for harmony, even if that means putting my own feelings aside to make it happen. I’ve been attacked, upset, and tested to within an inch of my mental capability, not just this year, but for a larger part of my ‘adult’ life. And I’ve reached a point where I’ve realised that  it is okay to say you can’t handle it. To ask for help. Saying you feel weak does not mean you aren’t strong, admitting you cannot handle the shit someone is attacking you with isn’t something to be embarrassed about. 2015 has been the year I learned that. 
It is important to remember that we are all different. We handle things differently and we all have very different levels of resistanceI’m not going to be as strong as other people, and that's okay, because I don't have to be. What may be a feather to you, could be a bullet to someone else. 
2016 will be the year that I work on myself. When I accept myself and everything that I am, when I stop blaming myself for other people's issues and put my energy into tackling my own. 
If any of you are here to follow me on this journey, thank you. If you have any opinions or 'resolutions' (cringe, I hate that word) of your own, let me know below! 

Leigh xo

Twitter: @leighbop
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