Maladaptive Daydreaming

On 17th June 2011, my sixteen-year-old self decided to share something with the realms of Tumblr that I had never shared before and have never talked about since. It was something that I truly experienced, something I've always experienced but never understood, something I randomly decided to Google, and after discovering it had a name, wrote the cringiest Tumblr post declaring it to all of my 100+ followers. I talked about it in your very typical 2011 'I'm not normal, I'm qUiIRKYy' sort of way. Which now as I read it back, makes me sound like an absolute fucking bin lid. (I was).

I don't use this blog much any more. But sometimes, writing something down and just keeping it for yourself isn't enough. Sometimes, even if you know no one will see it, putting your words out into the universe is necessary. And I feel like allowing that shocking 2011 tumblr post to float around the universe without a redemption is basically a crime. I started the post with "Hi, I'm Leigh." So before I start, yes my name is still Leigh, hello. In 2011 I wrote the most poorly-explained, cringe-worthy Tumblr post about Maladaptive Daydreaming. But although the post itself was awful, the experiences that lead me to write it were absolutely real, and eight years on, nothing has changed.

For as long as I can remember, my time has been split between this world and another. When in the company of others or occupied with a task, I am present in reality. But as soon as I'm alone, I'm no longer here. I don't drift off, I don't become catatonic or dazed; it's as if I am able to peel back a paper-thin veil on this reality and live in another until someone or something pulls me back. I will repeat something I wrote in the original post: 'If you watched me in a daydream, you would think I had serious issues; I move around and talk out loud, I have conversations with people who aren't there.' This is true. But something I didn't make the distinction between is that these are not hallucinations. I am aware that I am daydreaming, I'm aware that I am living in stories that my mind is creating, and I do not physically see anything. The best way I can explain it is when you're alone and you play out an argument with someone that hasn't happened yet. You argue with them, you imagine them speaking to you and you respond to them aloud as if they were there. This is how I behave while maladaptive daydreaming, however the situations are more intricate, elaborate and they can go on for hours if undisturbed.

Maladaptive Daydreaming is not recognised as a diagnosable disorder in the DSM. Instead, it's often categorised as a symptom or a result of a diagnosed disorder. For me that disorder is Anxiety. I struggled deeply with anxiety and depression in my teens, but even more so in my 20's. When I feel anxious and overwhelmed, I often struggle to connect with reality, finding it much easier to dissociate as a way of coping with the physical and emotional symptoms of anxiety. When I'm in a daydream, I feel calm and distracted. I no longer feel the pain in my stomach and the intrusive thoughts stop. But it's the 'maladaptive' aspect which makes it difficult. It means I can get lost in my head and my priorities can become skewed. I will be late to things because I lost track of time, important tasks won't get done because I spent hours in a daydream, I can become easily stressed and overwhelmed if people and/or life is being particularly hard on me. The more anxious I feel, the further my mind disconnects from reality, the less I actually deal with the root and the cause of my problems.

Even writing this now, it sounds ridiculous. The idea of a 25-year-old woman, mother and fiancee retreating inside her own mind when she gets a bit too overwhelmed is ridiculous. But it's just the way I've always been. I developed Maladaptive Daydreaming as a coping mechanism when I first started experiencing anxiety as a child and it's just… stuck with me. I won't explain what my particular daydreams consist of. They are so deep-rooted and intertwined with my anxiety that keeping them safe, tucked away in my head feels like the safest place for them. Also, I've already made myself sound ridiculous, I'd like to keep hold of the speck of dignity I have left.

There are studies which show that CBT can be effective in treating disorders such as this one, and it's something I'm really interested in pursuing. But that's something I'll delve into in another blog. Maybe. Actually, probably not because I'm shit at consistency in all aspects of my life.

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. So I thought if I was going to put this strange, embarrassing, difficult-to-talk-about part of my anxiety disorder into the world, what better time to do it? Even if you stumble across this post and cannot relate at all, I hope it was an interesting read. I can now rest easy knowing I've redeemed this part of myself after the fuckery of that 2011 Tumblr post.

First Time Mum Checklist | Hospital Bag

When you're about to have your first baby, you have no idea what to expect. It doesn't matter how old you are, how many babies you've been around or how many people give you advice (and trust me, whether you ask for it or not, the advice will come); it is 100% different when it's your own baby.

In my experience, there were two extremes. I had either underprepared, with no 'emergency' formula, certain baby toiletries, and not enough sanitary towels. Or I over prepared, which I definitely did with my hospital bag.

Here's a checklist of essentials to pack for that first day or two in hospital with your new little bub. I've even categorised and subcategorised because that's the type of annoying ass person I am.


For You:

Labour - Clothes

 ➳ Comfortable pyjama bottoms/shorts
 ➳ Comfortable t shirts (bring several as labour and/or waiting around can last a life time) // or alternatively you can bring a couple of night dresses
 ➳ Comfortable undies and bra (preferable non-wired like a sports bra or nursing bra)
 ➳ Socks or slippers
 ➳ A dressing gown

Labour - Toiletries 

 ➳ Wipes
 ➳ Face cream/moisturiser
 ➳ Lip Balm (my lips were cracked and red raw after my labour)
 ➳ Toothbrush + paste
 ➳ Hair brush + hair ties

Labour - Time Killers and Life Savers

 ➳ Phone charger
 ➳ Earphones
 ➳ Hand sanitiser
 ➳ Tablet/Kindle/Book/Magazines/iPod (As I said, it can last a lifetime)
 ➳ Some money for the tv, vending machines, cafe etc.
 ➳ A camera for those first moments and the days after

After Birth - Clothes

 ➳ Comfortable tops and bottoms which are easy to get on and off
 ➳ Big undies
 ➳ An easy, comfy outfit for leaving the hospital

After Birth - Toiletries

These are pretty much the same as labour toiletries, with the addition of:

 ➳ Lots of big, super absorbant sanitary towels
 ➳ Travel-sized gentle shower gel + shampoo/conditioner
 ➳ Small makeup bag with essentials (putting on a little makeup made me feel so much better when leaving the hospital)

For Baby:

Clothes

 ➳ A handful of vests, preferably a few different sizes (with varied sleeve length)
 ➳ One or two baby grows, again in varied sizes
 ➳ Hand mits (they start to scratch the hell out of their faces as soon as they're born)
 ➳ A soft, slightly loose hat
 ➳ A 'going home' outfit
 ➳ A blanket

Toiletries

 ➳ Some first size nappies (unless you know/think you will need small or tiny baby sizes)
 ➳ Pack of wipes (you may be told not to use these on your baby, but it's perfectly safe/fine. And trust me, that first poo, god you will need them)
 ➳ A dummie/pacifier if you're choosing to use one. Again, they will tell you not to but fuck them, it's YOUR baby and it's actually good for babies to suck on dummies while sleeping. It helps regulate their breathing etc.

Of course, I'm not saying that this list is absolutely right for everyone. We are all different and have different needs and circumstances. However, I know that in the months leading up to going into hospital, I had no idea where to start, and even after packing I felt like I was missing something. Equally, I hope this list helps any over-packers out there who are thinking of putting everything in that bag from medicines to nappy creams, gripe water and boxes of formula. You'll be surprised how little you actually need and how short the stay in hospital actually is these days.

If you're expecting then congratulations, good luck and I hope this helps. 

Leigh. xo

                                                                                                                   

Instagram: leighthegirl

Twitter: @leighbop

Periscope: @leighbop

YouTube: Leigh Rebecca xo

My Top 9 Albums /because I missed one out by accident.

9 ➳ The Feeling - Twelve Stops and Home (2006)

I was 12, going on 13 when this album came out. I didn't have an iPod, I literally had the entire album saved on my Sony Ericsson Phone (one of the main signs you attended high school in the 00's) and I listened to it non stop. Ten years later, I still know every word to every song, as well as the order they play on the album. To me, it's the ultimate British indie sound with the perfect blend between light hearted, 'boppy' songs and heartfelt, feel-inducing ones. Unfortunately for The Feeling, I think they peaked with this album as I never enjoyed their other music as much as this. This album is incredible from start to finish. 

My Favourite Songs on the album: 'Sewn', 'Strange', 'Same Old Stuff'.

You will like this album if you like: The Hoosiers, The Zutons, Scouting For Girls, Razorlight.

Listen on YouTube

8 ➳ The Maccabees - Colour It In (2007)

This album makes me nostalgic about being a teenager in college; back when I was super indie and lived in my brogues, had vintage tweed and lace everything and a fringe fuller than my future. Nowadays, I find this album super calming and uplifting whenever I feel a wave of anxiety come over me. That has a lot to do with the really chilled, vintage vibe which runs through all of the songs, as well as the happy, not-too-serious lyrics. I'm guessing almost everyone has heard Toothpaste Kisses, so this album is probably pretty well known. 

My favourite songs on the album: 'First Love', 'Lego', 'Just Like the Rain' and 'The Real Thing'.

You will like this album if you like: Bombay Bicycle Club, The Courteeners, Two Door Cinema Club, Foals.

Listen on YouTube

7 ➳ Mumford and Sons - Sigh No More (2009)

This album reminds me of rainy days on buses and trains. I fell in love with Mumford and Sons during a really dark and difficult period of my life. So now, I find even the 'sadder' sounding songs on the album uplifting. Listening to any song on this album feels like a huge intake of fresh, clean breath; it cleanses your soul and leaves you feeling inspired. 

My favourite songs on the album: 'Thistle and Weeds', 'Roll Away Your Stone', 'I Gave You All', 'Dust Bowl Dance'. 

You will like this album if you like: Noah and the Whale, Jake Bugg, Florence and the Machine, Ben Howard, Bon Iver.

Listen on YouTube

6 ➳ Lana Del Rey - Born to Die (2012)

I came across this album just under a year after it was released and was blown away by Lana's unique and eerie sounding music. Like every other album on this list, I know every word to every song and I listened to it on repeat almost every day for a very long time. I'd start it at track one just as I left my house for college in the morning and by the time I got there I'd have listened to it twice over. The entire album gives me nostalgia about my final year of college. That final year was a time when my anxiety on public transport was so bad that I would get my first bus and stay on it about 8 stops past my stop, all the way into Liverpool town and wait in the freezing cold just so I could get on the second bus while it was still empty. Those freezing cold but super bright and crisp mornings were always accompanied by this album.

My favourite songs on the album: 'Summertime Sadness', 'Radio', 'This is What Makes us Girls', 'National Anthem', 'Off to the Races'.

You will like this album if you like: I don't even know! Her sound is so unique.

Listen on YouTube

5 ➳ Agent Fresco - Destrier (2015)

There are no words for this album. Stunning. Just, utter perfection. I'm a relatively new fan of Agent Fresco, falling in love with them a few months before the release of Destrier, but I've fallen hard. The  vocalist Arnór has the most beautiful voice ever and his writing is something to be admired, not just by songwriters, but poets and storytellers too. I am obsessed with this album and the second I heard it, it was an instant favourite. The songs are intense and atmospheric and the stories/messages they convey literally leave you breathless. (I also have to shout out the song 'Implosions' from their previous album as it is one of my all time favourite songs)

My favourite songs on the album: 'Dark Water', 'See Hell', 'Let Fall the Curtain', 'Bemoan', 'Howls'.

You will like this album if you like: Again, I don't know! They're so unique. However, if you listen to this and like it, check out Ólafur Arnalds too.

Listen on YouTube

4 ➳ Civil Twilight - Civil Twilight (2010)

This album got me through some dark shit. Without this album I don't know if I'd still be here today. Bold statement to make about a disc of music, I know, but anyone who knows me will tell you how goddamn important music is to me. This album contains my all time favourite song, 'Letters From the Sky', as well as so many other under-appreciated little gems. It's an awesome album, 6 years old now but still never gets old for me. 

My favourite songs from the album: 'Letters From the Sky' (obviously), 'Trouble', 'Quiet in my Town',  'Soldier'. 

You will like this album if you like: Cold War Kids, Paper Route, Arcade Fire.

Listen on YouTube

4 ➳ Architects - Lost Forever // Lost Together (2014)

Fucckkkfckgggkging unreal. I don't know how they did it, but Architects literally managed to create the perfect album. From the lyrics, to the music, to the production, everything is on point slaying my life. I just live for this album. There is not one thing I would change, not one song I would remove or replace; it is genius. Clearly as you can tell from my list, my tastes have gotten a lot heavier as I've gotten older. 

My favourite songs on the album: Literally every single song, but I do have a special spot for 'Youth is Wasted on the Young'.

You will like this album if you like: Being a person with any sort of sense.

Listen on YouTube

3 ➳ Bring Me the Horizon - Sempiternal (2013)

I'm going to start sounding really repetitive now, but this is another one where every. single. song. is. perfect. This album was the turning point for BMTH where, in my opinion, they grew up and started creating the interesting, different music that was true to them as they moved forward in their music career. It's so intense and powerful, it leaves you in a really epic mood after listening to it. I'm obsessed. 

My favourite songs from the album: 'Hospital for Souls', 'Shadow Moses', 'Sleepwalking', 'And the Snake Starts to Sing' (Also, the bonus track 'Deathbeds' is amazing).

You will like this album if you like: The Devil Wears Prada, A Day to Remember, Architects, Enter Shikari.

Listen on YouTube

2 ➳ TesseracT - Altered State (2013)

TesseracT are incredible. Their music is so interesting and captivating and in my opinion, they reached a whole new level of stunning with this album. You know the score; every word, every song, blah blah blah. But it's true! I love Dan as a singer and I'm glad he's back, but Ashe, the vocalist who wrote and recorded Altered State with them, I seriously think he's an angel who was sent to bless the world with this absolute work of art. That's what this album is to me, it's not just a collection of tracks, it is art; the songs flow into one another, the album is set out in movements so you really feel a progression from the beginning to the end. It's amazing. 

My favourite songs from the album: The entire 'Of Mind' movement, 'Exile' and 'Palingenesis'.

You will like this album if you like: Periphery, Textures, Monuments, Benea Reach. 

Listen on YouTube

1 ➳ Enter Shikari - A Flash Flood of Colour (2012)

Enter Shikari are my favourite band. No questions asked, they are my all time favourite band. I've loved them since Take to the Skies and they just keep getting stronger. I knew one of their albums would be in this number one spot, it was just a lot harder to choose which one. Reluctantly, I stuck to my own rules and only chose the one, which is A Flash Flood of Colour. There are so many incredible songs on this album, they feel more like experiences than songs. And what these guys stand for in their lyrics makes them even better. Flash Flood has moments of fun, carelessness, anger, sadness and hope, it evokes thought while still being some of the best music out there. 

My favourite songs on the album: 'Stalemate', 'Ghandi, Mate, Ghandi', 'Constellations'.

You will like this album if you like: Anything with a metal/electronic mix.

Listen on YouTube

*Also, I have to mention their other albums which I love equally as much: Take to the Skies, Common Dreads and The Mindsweep.*

This was so hard! But if I hadn't limited myself to ten (9 lol oops), this post would have been longer than anything you've ever seen.

So, do we share tastes? Or are they completely different? Let me know.

Leigh xo

                                                                                                                   

Twitter: @leighbop

Periscope: @leighbop

Instagram: leighgoodall
YouTube: Leigh Rebecca xo

Twiggy // 60's inspired look

I felt like doing something with my makeup that I haven't done in a super long time. Taking inspiration from a specific style/person/era was something I used to do quite a lot and I really enjoyed creating this 1960's mod look inspired by the beautiful, iconic images of Twiggy.

It's not the neatest or most perfectly blended makeup look I've ever done, but that's the whole point! (or so I tell myself to make myself feel better)

Leigh xo

                                                                                                                   

Twitter: @leighbop

Periscope: @leighbop

Instagram: leighgoodall
YouTube: Leigh Rebecca xo

Bucket List | 2016

Hello all! So I decided to write a list of the things I want to achieve by the end of 2016:

➳ Pass my driving test. 

My driving license is no longer something I want, it's something I desperately need. The freedom of not having to rely on others to take me places is my number one goal for 2016. I've only had around 8 lessons so far because my instructor keeps going awol, but he says I'm doing really well and can book my test for the next couple of months.

➳ Get a car.

And of course, with a driving license comes a money box on wheels. The ability to get myself and Eden into my own car without having to make arrangements with anyone first is something I am desperate for. There have been so many times when I've been stuck in an 'if only I had my own car' situation.

➳ Grow my Blog and YouTube channel.

Another really self-explanatory one. I've caught the blog post/video-making bug, and although I may be at a big fat NIL on the exposure chart, I really enjoy it. My goal is that by the end of 2016, I want to have put out at least 2 or 3 posts/videos a month and endeared someone enough to make them want to click 'follow' or 'subscribe'.

➳ Lose the baby weight. 

I don't like to focus on goals like this. I find that when we set these types of goals, they can cause us to be very negative and hard on ourselves until we meet it, if we ever meet it! However, it's been ten months since I gave birth to my daughter and I've never felt more uncomfortable in myself. I want 2016 to be the year I shed the weight, the insecurity, and the negative body image. 

➳ Make more proactive steps to becoming vegan. 

2015 was the year I pretty much subconsciously decided to become vegan. I feel like my attitude towards meat, as well as other animal produce changed dramatically and I toyed with the idea of cutting them out numerous times. I haven't consumed milk, eggs or red meat in around 3 or 4 months and I want 2016 to be the year I make conscious and active decisions towards changing my diet.

➳ Seek help for my anxiety.

I've had anxiety problems since I was a really young child. I have vivid memories of being a kid, inconsolable for absolutely no reason and having to tell my mum it was a nightmare because I couldn't explain what was going on. It's only now looking back that I realise I was having intrusive thoughts, something I still battle today. It's always been in the background of my life; making me very insecure, paranoid and unable to carry out certain simple tasks. I sought out help for it many years ago with no joy, but after 2015 being a very bad year in terms of how I handled the anxiety, I have decided to love myself and make my health a priority. By the end of 2016 I want to have seen a doctor and found answers, relief and maybe even a diagnosis. 

➳ Re-decorate/become minimalist. 

This is a hard one, considering there's a chance we will have to move house in a few months *sad face*. But I've been dying to re-decorate our entire home and make it a lot more simple and minimal in design. I see crisp lines, clean white walls with accents of grey and copper. I'm sick of the clutter. I could handle it when it was just me and Irish, but since Eden takes up 3/4 of the entire house now, I'm sure stripping us back to the essentials will make our lives feel much calmer and in control.

➳ Get a new job.

I hate my job. If you know me at all you will know that my job melts my brain and does nothing for my creativity (or my fucking soul). When I hear things like 'just quit, maaan, live your life, no regrets', that's great and all when you can leave your job for the comfort of a free bedroom in your parents' house and all you have to worry about is making your bed every day. But it's not really the most practical of advice when, you know... bills, house, food, helpless infant, the big bad real world. In saying that though, I really do aim to be out of there by the end of this year. 

➳ Finally get my feet tattoos.

I have had my feet tattoos planned since I was like 17. But money. I don't have any. 

Even if I have to stick the word 'TATTOOS' on a mason jar and put all of my change in it every day, I will get them.

➳ Fuq da h8ers

I know this one sounds stupid when my blog/channel don't have any reach. But I'm not referring to the online world here. I want to try hard this year to continue on my journey to becoming a more conscious and self aware person, focusing my energy on my family and self improvement. That means finally removing toxic, poisonous people from my life and realising that I am not the problem. [blog post coming soon about this]

➳ Continue being happy with my wonderful family.

Irish and I have been together just over 3 years now and I love him and our amazing daughter with all of my heart. I am so proud of the strong, happy family we are becoming. 2016 is going to be a good year for us. 

What's on your 2016 bucket lists?

Leigh xo

                                                                                                                   

Twitter: @leighbop

Periscope: @leighbop

Instagram: leighgoodall
YouTube: Leigh Rebecca xo

My 2015 Beauty Favourites

2015 was a year that I discovered a lot of new beauty items. It also became the year that I learned a lot of new tips and techniques for applying makeup. I realised last year that I'd practically been doing my face the exact same way since I was about 17; sheer foundation (with absolutely no powder, blush, highlighter or contour), natural brows, a thick wing of gel eyeliner and Mac's Patisserie lipstick (which is the exact same colour as my natural lips, ZzZzZz). I mean, there's nothing wrong with that, I do still rock it from time to time, but I guess I never ventured into making every day a different look before, or putting literally as many products on my face for going to the supermarket as possible. 2015 was the year I discovered the beauty blender, 'greige' lips and the amazing-ness of a good nose contour. Because of that, I feel like I've entered 2016 feeling a lot more comfortable and confident with how I do my makeup. And as well as the things I mentioned above, here are my other beauty favourites of 2015.

➳ Illamasqua Skin base Foundation in the colour '2'

 

I've always wanted to try Skin Base, but being piss poor, I've never been able to justify spending £32 on a foundation. I'm still piss poor and I still can't justify it, but oh well, I've bought it now. 

I love it. It's a nice texture and the coverage is surprisingly buildable; I was expecting a super heavy coverage so I'm glad I can choose to go more sheer. I bought the colour '2' which is one shade up from their pure white. It was a risk when buying it, but being so pale I've always struggled with brands' supposedly 'lightest' shades being practically mahogany compared to my skin. So I wanted to make sure there was no way of that happening. Luckily, it's the perfect colour for me and stays that way throughout the day; no oxidisation and it doesn't go patchy, dark or orange. 

➳ Zoeva Brush Set Vol. 2 in Rose Gold

I can't say enough good things about this set. If I could only ever use one set of brushes for the rest of my life, I'd have everything I needed in this one. The eye brushes are incredible, the face brushes are even better. And they're rose gold and of course I'm obsessed with rose gold.

➳ Soap and Glory Speed Plump Moisturiser

This smells like chocolate orange. I mean, come on, if that's not a reason to put it in my favourites then what is? But in all seriousness, this moisturiser is really good and it leaves your skin the perfect texture for foundation, so I've been using this non stop since I bought it as an every day moisturiser as well as a primer, and it works beautifully. 

➳ Sleek Face Contour Kit in Light 

I find the best contour for me is usually an ashy toned brown or a 'greige' and in the past I've just used eyeshadows to create the perfect contour. But I ran out of the shadow I was using at the beginning of 2015 and picked up this compact out of panic to replace it. Although it's very warm and 'bronzy', it's given me the most beautiful contour every single day, and the highlight is pretty darn smashing too (as you can probably tell from the blaring bit of pan in the middle of it). I sometimes even put the bronzer slightly higher on my cheeks to create a subtle 90's inspired bronzey blush.

➳ The Balm MaryLou-manizer

What can I say? 2015 was the year I became unhealthily obsessed with highlighter. I put it everywhere; cheeks, temples, forehead, nose, lips, chin, brow bone. I'm addicted. I'm one of those people who loves a ridiculously strong, intense highlight. And when I pack this on, my cheekbones legit look like mirrors. 

➳ Lime Crime Venus II Palette

The most beautiful packaging and an even more stunning collection of colours. I'm aware of the controversy surrounding the brand and I tend not to give them much time on my blog for fear of annoying anyone. But I can't not shout out this palette when it is so so so so so so so so so so so so good.



➳ Anastasia Beverly Hills Dip Brow Pomade in Dark Brown

Such a staple for so many people and a bandwagon that I am very late to join. I have been so pleasantly surprised by how natural I can make my brows when using this product as I thought this was going to be a super heavy product. I love it and I have used it every day since buying it. I love using the 'brow line' brush from the Zoeva set to apply this. 

➳ Rimmel Lasting Finish Lipstick in Coffee Shimmer

So these pictures do not do this lipstick justice. It's the softest, sheerest warm brown shade ever. Brown lips are a huge statement trend right now, and although the bold, matte dark browns are some of my favourite to wear, sometimes an effortless copper-ish brown is so much better. I say it's sheer, however the pigment and colour pay off is great; you can pop a little on and give your lips a lovely stain, or sweep plenty on and get a pretty dense shade. Brown/Beige/Greige lips have been my statement in 2015, wearing some variation literally every day. This lipstick has virtually never left my bag.

➳ Chanel Chance (Not sure which one, the newest one I think!)

Before I got this, I had one fragrance that I wore every single day; Jo Malone Blue Agava & Cacao. It takes a lot to become one of my 'signature' fragrances, and in 2015 this one immediately stole my heart. It smells beautiful, fresh and feminine. It's super distinctive and so long lasting; you can spray this on a cardigan or scarf and still smell it when you next put them on. I have jumped between my Jo Malone and this bottle of Chanel every day since around May and I still have half left, super happy with that. 

There's a lovely story behind how I got this perfume which you can see in my '2015 Favourites' YouTube video below!

➳ Urban Decay Naked Skin Concealer in Fair/Neautral

The hype is real. This brightens and highlights and just... lifts my under eye area. It's nice and creamy, and blends beautifully, especially with a beauty blender. The only bad thing I can say about this is that I (...and it may just be me) don't find it that great for concealing spots and blemishes. I still find myself reaching for my Collection Lasting Finish for that. 

➳ Mac Fix +

I've never owned any sort of setting/fixing spray before. But Fix+ was always on my wish list. Since getting it, I use it all the time; I spray before and after my makeup, I dampen my beauty blender with it and I spray my brushes before picking up eyeshadows I want to be more pigmented. It's amazing and I love the fresh scent and feeling it gives me too.

To anyone reading this, I hope you enjoyed it and please let me know what you loved in 2015, or even better, tell me what you absolutely hated!

Leigh xo

                                                                                                                   

Twitter: @leighbop

Periscope: @leighbop

Instagram: leighgoodall

2016: The Year of Consciousness & Self Improvement

The end of 2015 has been an eye-opener, and certain events have brought a lot of feelings to the surface. I won't say they were feelings I was choosing to ignore, exactly, they were more like feelings I wasn't consciously aware of, or paying attention to. 

Through everything, I feel like I have woken up. I'm more aware of what I'm doing and how I feel. I think that's a really important mindset to be in; it makes you harder to manipulate or be taken advantage of, it makes you aware of your actions and the outcome that your decisions will have on everything and everyone. It makes you understand your mind and body, it helps you decipher when you're wrong, or when you're being attacked, it gives you a sense of peace when it comes to things that you simply can't control or do anything about.  And from all of that, the end of 2015 has brought me to a place where I’ve finally realised that it is okay to be fragile. 

There’s so much emphasis on acting like a brick wall these days, and if you can honestly say you don’t care then that’s awesome, but it’s almost become ‘cool’ to say you don’t give a fuck. Well, I do. I give way too many fucks; I don’t deal well with conflict, or sadness, or malice. I dwell on things, I worry and I strive for harmony, even if that means putting my own feelings aside to make it happen. I’ve been attacked, upset, and tested to within an inch of my mental capability, not just this year, but for a larger part of my ‘adult’ life. And I’ve reached a point where I’ve realised that  it is okay to say you can’t handle it. To ask for help. Saying you feel weak does not mean you aren’t strong, admitting you cannot handle the shit someone is attacking you with isn’t something to be embarrassed about. 2015 has been the year I learned that. 

It is important to remember that we are all different. We handle things differently and we all have very different levels of resistance. I’m not going to be as strong as other people, and that's okay, because I don't have to be. What may be a feather to you, could be a bullet to someone else. 

2016 will be the year that I work on myself. When I accept myself and everything that I am, when I stop blaming myself for other people's issues and put my energy into tackling my own. 

If any of you are here to follow me on this journey, thank you. If you have any opinions or 'resolutions' (cringe, I hate that word) of your own, let me know below! 

Leigh xo

                                                                                                                           

Twitter: @leighbop

Periscope: @leighbop

Instagram: leighgoodall